If only they would listen

Sometimes I wish I could round up everyone that has affected me in some way, put them in a room and make them listen to what I have to say. I would call them all out on their bullshit and make them see what their actions and words can do to a person. I know that is only something I can dream about, cause in reality it would never happen. Even if it could happen, my words probably wouldn't matter to the people I am speaking to. They didn't care before, so why should they now? It saddens me that people in this world can roam around, do as they please, and not have a care about having some kind of influence on the people around them. I guess all I have left to hope for is that karma will remember those people and that they will one day experience the feelings and thoughts I have. I would never wish bad on anyone, but I feel it is only fair that they be treated the same way as they treated me. They were the ones who created scars that may never heal. They are the reasons I have become the person I am today. If I was able to speak to at least one of them, I would let them know that I feel sorry for them. Why? Because they will never understand that people are human beings that feel emotions and hold on to memories, and every single person they have hurt will always remember what they did and every single word they said. Karma...Believe in it.

The Battle

Just be yourself they say....who am I?

Battles between fear and the real me, I'm not sure what direction to go.

Being ever so careful just so that what I touch won't break apart.

Just thinking of what I should be and not be makes me tired.

Why can't I just go back to the past when I felt so sure of who I was supposed to be?

Erase everyone and everything that molded me into the person who fears to live life to the fullest. 

Silence the voices that tell me what I should do and shouldn't do.

I just want to find me again.

I just want to be me again.

Hidden Pages

   

    Yes I know I used to have a lot more posts on here, but now that I have managed to get my head out of my ass, I figured...why not just start the fuck over on this with a new mind set. So that is what I am going to do.

    Today I was reading this story on Reddit about a guy who has never dated anyone or never really had much of a social life due to his abusive past and the life he had lived up until now. He noted towards the end of his story that there was a girl he worked with that he felt he actually liked. He said she was the only person to make him not feel numb and invisible to the world, something no one had ever done for him before. Besides that point, he mentioned he would never dare tell her the truth about his dark past, because he did not want her to stick around to pity him if something were to go wrong, or feel obligated to stay around because she didn't want to hurt him in the future. His story got me thinking about life and the people around us.

    It made me really realize, no one will ever know the real story about who we are as individuals. We have the power to decide what and what not to tell people about our life. Because of this simple fact, I am not the type of person who likes to judge people or think I know what they are going through, because you know what? I don't. That is where the whole saying"Never judge someone until you have taken a walk in their shoes" ( if that is even how you fucking phrase it), comes into play. But you know, no one will ever fully get the opportunity to take the true steps in someone else shoes ever.

    I have had plenty of experiences with people where they might have said something to me that made me feel uncomfortable or thought they knew what I was going through, where I just thought to myself, "If you only knew". People might think that they understand you but they really don't. Everyone has their own story, their own secrets, a separate life from the one others can see. Sure we might all have shared experiences that were similar to others, but we also lived those experiences in different ways than others might have. 

    I have learned in life to think before I say or act, because I never know when something I say or do could affect another person in some way I am not aware of. We are all walking books that carry hidden pages inside, and all of them have stories no one will ever know about.